Helping Family Caregivers

Christie both dreaded and hungered for her trip home for the holidays. She knew Dad was no longer himself, and she ached seeing the growing toll it was taking on her sister Beth, but she needed to be there. She needed to see what was happening.

She forced herself to bite her tongue regarding how thin he'd gotten or the state of the house as soon as she saw the circles under Beth's eyes. Beautiful Beth, famously meticulous, had barely noticed that the trash was overflowing. Even her nails were uneven.

Christie walked through the house, overhearing caustic comments from their once pleasant dad to Beth, observing clues that home maintenance wasn't the priority it had once been, noting the boxes of adult briefs, and she shuddered at the thought of stepping into her sister's shoes.

It was obvious that Beth needed help. She deserved a medal. But she was exhausted and quiet. No gift seemed appropriate.

A visit to the spa might help Beth for an afternoon, but Christie was planning to leave by the weekend, and who would stay with Dad while her sister received much deserved pampering? A pet was out of the question, although something to take Dad's attention away from constantly badgering Beth might be nice. A new outfit would only underscore her inability to get out and go somewhere.

Christine knew no toy or gadget, gift card or trip could relieve the pressure Beth was experiencing as a caregiver. And Christine couldn't stay to help. Even if she could, she had no idea how to do all the amazing, superwoman acts of love that were sapping Beth of strength.

Caring for the Caregiver

In our Health Tips, we try to focus on ways to improve health for our aging loved ones. But in the daily struggles accompanying memory loss and chronic sickness, the health of the caregiver often gets overlooked.

This holiday season, we'd like to offer some ideas how to bless any family caregivers you care about:

• Don't ignore the sacrifice the caregiver is making. Caregiving should never be a thankless job, even if the person needing care is no longer able to appreciate it.

• Don't critique the caregiver's performance unless you're prepared to take over the job. Offer advice only if it's requested. (Obviously, if something evil or criminal is happening, speak up! Act!)

• Offer tangible helps. Empty the overflowing trash can. Go for a diaper/grocery run. Fix the broken appliance or pay someone to come fix the plumbing. Yes, even if it's your sister's house.

• Consider hiring a professional caregiver to come give your loved one a break. Cura for Care offers customized care schedules with no minimums, so you can easily have someone stay with Dad while Sister gets her mani/pedi once every few weeks.

I'd say she's earned it.

YOUR TURN.

What are some other ways we can show family caregivers how much we appreciate them?